Why Your Feminine Legacy Matters
by Tabby Biddle
Legacy is a potent word that can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
Not that long ago, I read a story in Omega Institute co-founder Elisabeth Lesser’s book, Cassandra Speaks, about when she and renowned author and fellow feminist Isabel Allende were invited to speak at a gathering of world religious leaders in dialogue with international scientists in Austria.
She thought it was an odd invitation as she was neither a religious leader nor an international scientist, but upon seeing the list of other speakers who agreed to attend—including the Dalai Lama, the imam of a leading mosque in Egypt, the head of Russian Orthodox Church, a noted rabbi from England, and a couple of Nobel Prize-winning scientists—she agreed to attend. She and Isabel were the only women invited to speak.
After accepting the invitation, Elisabeth received information about the conference structure and its theme. The theme was “Legacy.” Each presenter was to give a 30-minute talk answering the question: What Will Your Legacy Be?
Elisabeth’s first reaction to the assignment was bewilderment. She said she had never given a moment’s thought to the concept. She said perhaps she was too young to be thinking about what she wanted to leave behind. Maybe in one’s seventies you begin to focus on such a question.
Elisabeth also admitted that she wasn’t comfortable with the topic of legacy. She said she spent a good deal of her life trying to loosen the grip of that clawing need to be someone special. She said ego aggrandizement and self-promotion make for an exhausting life and is something she’d been trying to get away from. And plus, as the mom to three teenage boys and the co-founder of a large institute, she was busy in the here and now. When would she have time to think about legacy? But she went anyway. (The setting on the Danube River didn’t hurt.)
The first person to speak was Isabel Allende. She stood at the podium in front of several hundred men dressed in dark business suits, with a few women scattered throughout the audience in pastel-colored dresses—and when asked by the conference moderator, “What will your legacy be?” She answered, “Legacy? Why would I care about legacy? I’ll be dead! And anyway, legacy is a penis word.”
There were some gasps from the audience, squirming in seats, and blushes from the monks in the first row. And the Dalai Lama laughed out loud.
Isabel went on to deliver a fiery talk about mankind’s obsession with heroism and personal power, and how the focus should be on nurturing and benefiting the least privileged among us. “Heroism leaders to an early end,” she warned.
She wrapped up her speech with a warning to women not to make the same mistakes with their power that men have made. “Don’t hoard power or money or fame. Give it all away. And forgive me for my penis remark,” she laughed, winking at the Dalai Lama. “What I really meant to say was the other “p” word—patriarchy. It’s bad for everyone. It’s a terrible legacy. The poorest and most backward societies are always those that put women down.”
It’s true that legacy has been framed for much of our lives from a patriarchal perspective, based around money, wealth, property or a family name passed on. It’s also been framed around men doing “heroic acts”—particularly in the realms of war, military, politics, sports and science.
In fact, for most of history, legacy has been the domain of men. War heroes, presidents, political leaders, Nobel Prize winners, sports heroes, and business tycoons.
Since women couldn’t possess money, wealth and professional status until disturbingly late in our history–especially married women—we weren’t even part of the legacy conversation. Lest we forget, it wasn’t until the 1970s in the United States that a woman could get a credit card in her own name, be able to get her own mortgage without a male co-signer, or have a law in place to protect her from being fired from a job for being pregnant.
For much of our lives, aside from female royalty, movie stars, a few social justice activists, and now more recently, female sports stars, people haven’t been talking about legacy in relation to women. It’s not often that the everyday woman is asked: What will your legacy be? It’s also not often that she stops asks herself this question.
I argue that it’s time for this to change.
With all the political, social, economic and environmental crises going on in our world today, legacy is an extremely valuable topic for women to be thinking about, talking about, and supporting each other to create.
Our patriarchal culture has devalued, dismissed, erased, and silenced millions of women throughout history. This has led to a massive imbalance in our leadership, our institutions, our systems, and in our psyches. The patriarchal “power over” (win-lose) style of leadership has prevailed, while the feminine-based “power with” style (win-win) has been repressed. Society is suffering in the face of this imbalance.
You need only to look around right now to see this—the rise of autocratic leaders, multiple wars, rising violence, daily shootings, human rights abuses and atrocities, corporate greed at the cost of human lives, massive economic disparity, food insecurity, the climate crisis, the mental health crisis, entire populations pushed into poverty, and so much more.
I argue that it’s time to rewrite history and add her-story and feminine legacy to it to restore balance between the masculine and the feminine within ourselves, and within our worldly leadership. No matter our gender, we desperately need this.
The legacy I am talking about is not just about doing heroic acts, amassing wealth, or donating to the causes you care about. While this is important and admirable, there is more to feminine legacy. Much more.
Feminine legacy is about how you live and lead your life. It’s the way you show up. How you treat yourself. How you treat others. The wisdom you share. The values you uphold. The teachings you embody. The way you use your voice. What you create. What you build. What you transmit. What kind of role model you are for your children, other people's children, and your community. It’s the world you model for others by the way you are living your life.
Creating a feminine legacy isn’t coming from an egoic, patriarchal drive. Instead, it’s coming from a higher-purpose and a desire to own all of who you are as a woman so you can share your gifts in service to the highest good of our communities, our humanity, and our planet.
It’s also not about pushing or forcing out projects from a place of scarcity and panic that you must leave your mark. It’s about allowing an unfolding, listening to your body, listening to your intuition, listening to your inner voice to receive guidance and take actions to meet the calling of your legacy.
Imagine a world where every human being felt safe and worthy—safe and worthy to speak their truth; safe and worthy to be seen and heard; safe and worthy to share their unique gifts; safe and worthy to be in their body; safe and worthy to have peace within themselves and in their communities; and safe and worthy to thrive.
Doesn’t that sound like a great world to live in? That’s what your feminine legacy can create.
Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed. is a women’s leadership coach and award-winning writer dedicated to uplifting and championing women’s voices in the world. She specializes in helping women find their voice and amplify it as writers, public speakers and thought leaders—not tethered to the old ways of patriarchy, but in a new paradigm of feminine leadership. Curious about working with Tabby? Learn more.