Creating a Meaningful Life at Midlife
by Tabby Biddle
If you are reading this, you may be at a point in your life where you are asking yourself questions like: Am I in alignment with who I came here to be? Who am I becoming? What am I here to do? To create? To leave behind for my family, my community, and for generations to come? What is my personal legacy and purpose here on the planet?
If these questions have been consuming you, don’t worry. You are in good company. These are developmentally appropriate questions at midlife.
At this stage of life, we likely have fewer years left than the ones we’ve already lived. So, it’s natural to wonder what’s next, what’s it all for, and what are you leaving behind.
About 10 years, as I was approaching my mid 40s, I started thinking deeply about “legacy.” More specifically, feminine legacy. I was in perimenopause (although I didn’t realize it at the time), and was working with many women my same age and older to support them to amplify their voice and elevate their leadership in their workplaces, industries and their fields of expertise.
At the time, the word “legacy” kept showing up for me everywhere—from newspaper headlines, to television commercials, to coffee mugs, to names of hat companies. On our winter vacation in Big Bear, California, I bought a ball cap for hiking, only to look inside at the tag and see it was made by a company called “Legacy.”
This word resonated with me at a deep level, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.
Several years before all of this, my sister-in-law emailed me with a link to the biography of a woman named, Deborah Fisher Wharton, with the question: Do you know about her?
I clicked on the link to read about this mysterious woman who lived in the 1800s in Philadelphia, where I was born. She was a Quaker minister (I didn’t know women could be ministers in the 1800s), a social justice activist for women’s equality and racial equality, the co-founder of Swarthmore college outside of Philadelphia, and the mother of 10 children.
It turns out that this woman was my great-great-great grandmother. How could I not have heard of her?
But I hadn’t.
I had, however, heard about one of her sons, Joseph Wharton, the founder of the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania, a successful nickel manufacturer, and a personal friend and consultant to several U.S. presidents.
I had also heard about many other men in my family who left a “legacy” in U.S. history in business, politics, diplomacy and cultural life, but I never heard about the women. What about their legacy? Why was no one talking about them and their contributions?
While I had heard about Joseph from my family, I never heard about his mother. The sad thing is that I never even thought to ask her name.
I share this story not to dwell on my family history, but to demonstrate how even for those of us who are feminists, some of us hold an unconscious belief that men are the real creators and leavers of legacy. Not women.
This is unfortunate, and something that needs to change.
When it comes to women leaders today, research from well-reputed academic, corporate and governmental institutions all point to the fact that women in leadership is better for everyone. Studies show that when women are in leadership, there is better decision-making, better teamwork, better morale, better mentoring, increased innovation, increased creativity, more honesty, better financial outcomes, and better performance overall.
So you really can’t argue with why more women should be in leadership. It’s written in plain ink.
The question is: What are you going to do with this information? Are you going to assume it doesn’t apply to you? Or, are you going to harness this information and do something with it?
At midlife, we women are primed for leadership. We have been through so much at this point in our lives, that we are truer and wiser to who we really are. We are also more sensitive, compassionate, and intuitive. We can see the bigger picture, and are not solely eg0-driven. We start looking at how we can contribute our gifts for the betterment of society and our planet.
Add to this, when we go through menopause, we are initiated into our own authority.
I believe, as women in midlife, we have a ripe opportunity to think about our feminine legacy and to create a meaningful and purpose-driven life.
Midlife used to be a time when women were supposed to “disappear” and not be visible in public life. You are an integral part of changing this narrative.
We women are living into our 80s and 90s, and many of us are vital. We want to do something with our lives!
So how do you create a meaningful life at midlife? I’d love to share three steps with you that have helped many of my clients in midlife and beyond.
3 Steps to Create a Meaningful Life at Midlife
Step 1: Identify what IRKS you THE most IN society
What really gets your goat? Is it gender inequality? Racial inequality? Economic inequality? Gun violence? Video game violence? The climate crisis? The rising rates of anxiety and depression? … all of the above? There’s generally one area that will stand out to you the most. Get as specific as possible. For example, what irks me the most in society is that women and girls are not as valued and respected as men and boys, and, as a result, women’s voices and leadership are underrepresented across every industry, specifically in our business and political leadership. This, in my view, perpetuates a cycle of war, violence, poverty and systemic inequity. What irks you the most?
Step 2: Consider Your gifts and Talents
You have a lifetime of experience. What are your gifts and talents that stand out? What do you love to do? Write? Speak? Cook? Design? Teach? Sing? Act? Produce? Paint? Coach? Mentor? Practice law? Practice medicine? Caregive? Love? Write down all of your gifts and talents. Don’t be shy about this. I am certain you have several gifts and talents.
Step 3: contribute your gifts & talents to make SOCial change
Consider your responses from Step 1 & Step 2. Can you start public speaking to make impact on that social issue? Can you organize or produce an event to make impact on that social issue? Can you write a series of articles or essays to make impact? Can you work one-on-one with someone to empower them in their lives and leadership? Can you help someone feel seen and heard? How might you contribute your gifts and talents to give meaning and purpose to your life and to the lives of others? You can start small. Then take one-step-at-a-time.
You have a purpose here on the planet. You have a unique calling that only you can do. If you feel this calling bubbling up inside of you, I encourage you to follow it. You might not have all of the answers right now, and I know that can feel scary, but please trust that more will be revealed as you follow this calling. The world is waiting for you.
Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is the bestselling author of Find Your Voice: A Woman’s Call to Action, a private coach to women speakers and leaders globally, the speaker coach for multiple TEDx events in Southern California, and the creator of the “Live Your Legacy” program. Curious how Tabby can support you in creating a meaningful life at midlife? Connect with Tabby.