How to Overcome the ‘Who Am I to Say This?’ Spiral
By Tabby Biddle
You sit down to write that post, draft that pitch, or prepare for that talk… And suddenly, the voice creeps in: Who am I to say this? Who am I to take up space? What if I get it wrong?
Sound familiar?
This spiral—subtle or loud—is one of the most common barriers for brilliant, mission-driven women who are ready to lead, but feel frozen by self-doubt.
Let’s be clear: this isn’t just “imposter syndrome.” It’s deeper than that. It’s ancestral. Cultural. Lived. Learned.
And if you’ve felt it, you’re not broken—you’re human. And you’re not alone.
But why does this spiral show up, especially for women leaders?
Many of us were raised with messages—spoken and unspoken—that taught us to:
Be agreeable, not assertive.
Be quiet, not bold.
Be careful, not visible.
We watched what happened to women who did speak out. They were criticized, mocked, dismissed—or worse.
So it makes sense that the moment you dare to share your message, your truth, your vision…
a protective part of you kicks in with: “Stay small. Stay safe.”
But here’s the thing: staying small won’t keep you safe. It will keep you stuck. And it will keep the people who need your voice from hearing it.
So how do you shift out of this spiral?
Not by silencing the voice. Not by bulldozing over it. But by meeting it with compassion and truth.
Here’s a practice I use with my clients when they hit this spiral:
The Spiral Breaker: 5-Minute Practice
Step 1: Name the Voice
Say it out loud or write it down: Who am I to say this?
No shame here. Just awareness.
STEP 2: Locate It in the Body
Where do you feel the doubt/fear/hesitation?
Throat? Chest? Belly? Honor the sensation without judgment.
STEP 3: Ask: Whose Voice Is This?
Is it yours? Or a teacher’s? A parent’s? Society’s?
Is it ancient? Collective? You might be surprised at what you hear.
STEP 4: Anchor in a New Truth
Now ask: What’s the truer voice underneath this fear? It might sound like:
“My story is valid and my voice is needed.”
“Someone is waiting to hear exactly what I have to say.”
“I have wisdom to share that could change someone’s life.”
Let the truth speak louder than the doubt.
Step 5: Take One Tiny Aligned Action
Hit “publish.” Write the first sentence. Share the idea with a trusted sister.
You don’t have to do the whole thing. Just take one step. That’s what breaks the spiral.
Here’s what I know for sure: The “Who am I to say this?” spiral is often a sign that you’re about to say something important. Something that matters. Something that could shift the conversation, inspire change, or touch someone’s heart.
So the next time that voice shows up… don’t run. Meet it. Ground yourself. And then speak anyway. Because the real question is not “Who am I to say this?” The real question is: Who might be helped if I do say this?
If you’re navigating this spiral, please know that you are not alone. I’ve been there. And I’ve guided many women through it.
In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more tools and stories to support women like you—visionary, wise, and ready to lead on your own terms.
Want to be part of the conversation? ✨Join my email list.
Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a women’s leadership educator, speaker, and thought leadership mentor specializing in amplifying the voices of visionary women changemakers. She helps mission-driven women overcome self-doubt, step into visibility, and lead with authenticity and power. Tabby is known for her compassionate, embodied approach to leadership and has supported countless women in becoming TEDx speakers, authors, and global thought leaders. Learn more at tabbybiddle.com.