My Journey to Become a TEDx Speaker
by Tabby Biddle
Ten years ago, I watched Sheryl Sandberg’s TED talk about “Why We Have Too Few Female Leaders.” I listened intently to the COO of Facebook, excited to hear her addressing this issue, and appreciating some of her personal stories. One story, in particular, stood out to me.
During Sheryl’s senior year of college, Sheryl, her roommate Carrie, and Sheryl’s sophomore brother all took a class together. Her brother barely attended the lectures, and barely read the literature for the class. Sheryl and her roommate, on the other hand, attended almost all of the lectures and read all of the literature. A couple of days before the exam, Sheryl’s brother marched himself up to their room to get tutored for the exam.
The next day, they all take the exam. Afterwards, they asked each other, “How’d you do?”
Carrie and Sheryl comment on a couple of points they could have done better. Sheryl’s brother, on the other hand said, “I got the top grade in the class.”
We all know “that guy.” We also know all too well what’s it’s like as a woman to work really hard, and still feel like we could have done better. That constant sense of self-doubt, wondering if we’re “good enough,” and if we meet the mark.
Sheryl’s story showed what the data shows: women systematically underestimate their own abilities.
I finished watching Sheryl’s TED talk feeling like I had gained some insights about why there are so few female leaders, and at the same time, felt like there was so much more to say on this topic. And that I had something to say about!
But could I give a TED talk? Was I “qualified enough”? And how did people become a TED speaker in the first place?
Not long afterwards, I met a woman who had given a TEDx talk. I learned that giving a TEDx talk is the second best thing to giving a TED talk. TEDx is a grassroots initiative, created in the spirit of TED’s overall mission to research and discover “ideas worth spreading.” TEDx brings the spirit of TED to local communities around the globe through TEDx events.
I went home that afternoon and searched online to watch my new friend’s TEDx talk. In her talk, she spoke about the harrowing experience of sexual assault she had been through as a teenager and how she made it out the other side with wisdom and insight to share. I was so moved by her story, her vulnerability, and her courage to tell her story for the benefit of others.
I thought if she can stand up there and tell such a vulnerable, personal story with the courage she did, surely I could gather the courage to give my own TEDx talk that wasn’t nearly as vulnerable.
I asked my new friend how she became a TEDx speaker. To my delight, she generously shared her experience with me, and soon afterwards, made an introduction for me by email to a TEDx organizer.
Days passed, and unfortunately, the TEDx organizer did not respond to the introduction. I started to tell myself that maybe my idea wasn’t TEDx-worthy. Maybe my qualifications weren’t what he was looking for. And maybe I wasn’t even ready yet to give a TEDx talk.
I told myself these stories, and never even did a follow-up with him. Instead, I took the TEDx organizer’s lack of response as a “not interested,” and then let this dream of mine sit on the back-burner for a couple of years.
I am here to tell you that is exactly what you don’t want to do! Don’t let one ‘no response’ from a TEDx organizer dictate what you think about the value of your TEDx talk idea and your qualifications as a speaker.
The fact is you don’t know if the TEDx organizer ever even saw the email. You don’t know if they opened it at a time when they couldn’t respond, and then forgot about it. (You’ve been there, right?) You don’t know if they were even focusing on their TEDx event at the time you wrote. TEDx organizers are volunteers, and most of them have a full-time job and a full life outside of their TEDx event.
And who knows if that TEDx event was even the best match for you in the first place? During the course of the year, there are hundreds of TEDx events happening around the world, and maybe there is a better one for you.
Two years later, in 2015, I attended my first TEDx event, TEDxOlympicBoulevardWomen in Santa Monica, California where I live. It had an all-women speaker line up, which was amazing! I had so much fun, learned so much, gained new insights, and was completely inspired.
Experiencing these women give their TEDx talks live on stage re-fueled my own passion to do this. I felt ready to finally pursue my dream of giving a TEDx talk. I made the commitment to myself, and started to spread the word to friends and colleagues.
One month later, I received an email from a TEDx organizer in Southborough, Massachusetts, where I went to high school. The organizer informed me that I had been nominated by a Distinguished Alumni to speak at the school’s first-ever TEDx event. Did I want to apply to be considered?
Yes, I did!
A few weeks after I submitted my application, I found out that I was selected and that I would speak amongst the former CEO of Apple, a Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist, the president and CEO of the Mayo Clinic, an MIT professor, a leader in cancer research, a former governor of New Jersey, a Cambodian monk, a beloved English teacher, and a few other distinguished professionals.
Three months later, I was on the TEDx stage at TEDxStMarksSchool delivering my TEDx talk on what I saw as a missing link to advancing women’s leadership.
The irony did not escape me that the speaker line-up was made up of eight male speakers, and only three women.
When I got back to Santa Monica, I became curious to see what was happening at other TEDx events around the country and around the world. Sure enough, I found a common theme of gender inequality on the stages.
As an advocate for gender equality and the representation of women’s voices in leadership and influential platforms, I became lit up about getting more women onto TEDx stages.
Since giving my TEDx talk in 2015, I have had the honor and privilege of supporting hundreds of women to find their voice, craft their TEDx talk, and prepare to deliver it on the TEDx stage.
As the speaker coach for TEDxDelthorneWomen in Los Angeles, a private coach for TEDx speakers globally, and the creator of Women On Stage, an online course and group coaching program for women changemakers aspiring to become TEDx speakers, nothing makes me more proud than seeing the women I’ve worked with amplify their voice on the TEDx stage.
My dream of becoming a TEDx speaker was something I put on the back burner for a few years because, after that one ‘no response’ from a TEDx organizer, I let an imaginary story dictate how I felt about the worthiness of my TEDx talk. Please don’t let that happen to you.
Your voice is too important. Your message is too valuable.
Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed, works at the intersection of women’s leadership, feminine spirituality and social change. She is the speaker coach for TEDxDelthorneWomen in Los Angeles, a private coach for TEDx speakers, a TEDx speaker herself, and the creator of Women On Stage, a 10-week online course and group coaching program to prepare women to speak on the TEDx Stage. Through her work, she’s supported hundreds of women to find their voice, craft their TEDx talk, and prepare to deliver their talk on the TEDx stage. Learn more at tabbybiddle.com.