Are We Our Own Healers?

by Tabby Biddle

As I sat in the waiting room at the dermatologist’s office today, I thought about how much our attitude affects our health and our healing process.

I was diagnosed with melanoma just over 10 years ago at my very first appointment with a dermatologist. I had made the appointment under the plea of my mother who had been heavily suggesting a check up for the past few years!

I was young — in my 20s — and thought I was the queen of health and surely invincible. That particular appointment back in 1997 showed me otherwise.

Upon the diagnosis, I felt scared, confused, angry and guilty. I felt guilty that I had not taken better care of myself, angry that this was happening to me, confused about what my chances for living were and scared that I had NO idea what this all meant for my future. Could it spread in me unknowingly and that would be that? I was a victim.

As suggested by my doctor, I took care of the melanoma through surgery and began on a schedule of regular check-ups. Young and not wanting to believe that I had a condition that was life threatening, I tried to move on with my life.

I took a job overseas, lived and traveled abroad for a couple of years and the "regular" check ups at the dermatologist became scarce. I was trying to convince myself that I had moved on completely.

Actually, I was in denial.

Within a couple of years, I moved back to New York and decided it would be a good idea to get a check up. I was quickly awakened from my state of denial when I was diagnosed with a second melanoma. I felt helpless and angry at my body. What was going on in my body that I could not see? How could I feel so good and yet be confronted with something that is life threatening?

A bit of the victim mode snuck back.

At this point I had been a victim, been in denial — and now was confronted with the fact that two family friends had died from melanoma in the recent years. I began to see that if I wanted to live, I better shift my practices and my attitude.

Instead of playing victim, I decided that I wanted to know more about what was happening “behind the scenes” in the cells of my body and become a player in my own healing.

One major tool I used to find out more was the practice of yoga. Yoga helped me become acquainted with my body in a deep and intimate way. I could feel when my kidneys were in fear, when my liver was in anger, and when my heart was closed. I could feel when my mind was relaxed, my hands happy, and my eyes at peace.

I studied and explored yoga and yoga therapy and soon added Reiki, acupuncture and massage. I had my chakras read, my aura read and became a big fan of Louise Hay and her bestselling book, Heal Your Body.

All of this work helped me understand the connection between illnesses I was having (not only the melanoma), and the emotions and attitude behind the illness.

Today, as I waited in the doctor's office, I felt calm and secure. I felt that after spending years with a victim attitude and years in denial, that this time I was the one determining my diagnosis. I have learned tools that have empowered me to be my own healer.

This is not to say that I won't be going to the doctor on a regular basis for checkups, preventative care and early screening, but it does mean that I have a new attitude about healing. No longer victim, I am a partner with my doctors and I know deep in my heart that I have the power to change any negative result.

As my yoga teacher, Saul David Raye, said in class tonight, “Our bodies have a deep intelligence…we have the power to change things...Look at the election!”

What is your attitude about healing?


Tabby Biddle is a writer and editor specializing in helping women entrepreneurs and emerging authors get their message out. Additionally, she is the founder of Lotus Blossom Style, a yoga lifestyle company created to support women in their personal transformation. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.